Written by Evita Morin, LMSW

The Call That Changes Everything

It’s a typical Thursday evening when your phone rings. You recognize the number…the parent of your daughter’s friend. That’s unusual. You have a sense something’s amiss. The news isn’t catastrophic, but it’s far from good: he tells you that your daughter and his daughter were trying to obtain THC gummies together. Thankfully, the dad discovered their plan before anything happened. As you hang up, your mind races. How do you handle this? What do you say to your daughter? Here’s a guide to navigating this challenging situation:

Navigate Your Emotions

It’s natural to feel in shock or want to jump straight to anger, disappointment, and discipline when you discover your teen’s interest in drugs. However, approaching this conversation calmly and with self-assurance is crucial. How they choose to navigate the world of drugs and alcohol may have life-changing consequences, and you will want them to understand the gravity and risks. Before you leap to consequences, consider these strategies to address the issue constructively.

Understanding Teen Curiosity

Recognize that curiosity about trying new things is normal, especially during adolescence. Teens are likely exposed to experimenting peers and messages that drugs and alcohol are a good way to “have fun.” In our County, statistics show exposure happens as early as age 12, so if you haven’t already talked to your kids about drugs an alcohol, you can expect that someone, somewhere, has.

Open a Dialogue

Many children expressed they will “never use drugs or alcohol,” when they were younger. Approach your teen by revisiting that conversation to learn and listen to what has changed in their world to rethink their decision. Ask your teen what sparked their interest and what they expected to experience. This approach fosters an open dialogue and encourages honesty. More importantly, it will help you understand your child better and what they do and don’t already know about drugs.

Discuss Future Choices

Remember that you only have your child under your roof for so long, and your job is to prepare them for the future. Explain that while you’re currently responsible for their choices, they’ll soon be making decisions independently. Use this opportunity to provide them with the information they will need to make informed choices later in life.

Address Key Points

Family History: If substance dependence – drugs or alcohol – runs in your family, your children are at a higher risk themselves. If applicable, in the same way you would educate your child about cancer risk, discuss any family history of substance dependence with your teenager. Explain that early drug use increases their risk of developing dependency.

Brain Development: Teenage brains are still growing and developing well into their 20’s. Drugs and alcohol stunt that development. Emphasize that their brain is still developing, and introducing unchecked chemicals during this crucial period can have long-lasting effects on their maturity and health.

Delayed Use: Early-age substance use is a major risk factor for developing a problematic relationship with drugs and alcohol later in life. Be honest about the fact that the later they start using substances, including alcohol, the less likely they are to develop substance dependence issues.

One Pill Can Kill: Drugs today do not look like the drugs of our generation. Many are mixed into edibles in higher concentrations than any “natural” plant would ever have. Additionally, many recreational drugs now look like prescription medicine but are made in street labs with lethal doses of poisonous mixtures, especially fentanyl. Make sure you child knows that one pill can kill.

Peer Pressure: Ask your teen if they relate to the “Fear of Missing Out” and help them understand this as a form of peer pressure. Acknowledge that FOMO feelings are normal but can lead to poor decisions. Brainstorm strategies to resist peer pressure. Here are a few:

• Practice saying “no,” “no, thanks!” or “nah, I’m good” confidently
• Have a pre-planned excuse or code word they can use with you to remove them from uncomfortable situations
• Identify trusted friends who support their choice not to use drugs
• Reflect on their personal goals and whether the risks of drugs or alcohol may hinder those goals
• Understand that true friends will always respect their boundaries
• Become more aware of the motives behind social media, influencers, and ads. These spaces can glamorize substance use as the answer to fun, stress, and “the good life.” Help them critically evaluate the messages they encounter online.

Emphasize that while it might feel like they’re missing out now, they’re actually investing in their future health, success, and genuine experiences. Encourage them to seek out and create drug-free activities with like-minded peers or practice coping skills that offer long-term results instead of short-term numbing out.

Set Clear Expectations

Now it is the time to get serious about continued behavior. Establish firm boundaries and consequences for drug use. Communicate these clearly, and be prepared to enforce them consistently if necessary. One common mistake parents make is setting consequences but not following through. Another is shielding their children from natural consequences. Both can undermine your efforts to guide your teen. Consequence avoidance prevents your soon-to-be young adult from learning through the negative impacts of their behavior. This is very hard for many parents, but negative consequences may be the one thing that makes a teen question whether the “high” is worth it.

Look to the Future

Today’s teens often have a fantasized view of drug use. Combat this by engaging in fact-based, informed dialogue about the risks. Explain that you’re not just being old-fashioned or acting as the moral police. You are trying to protect them from potential long-term life-changing risks of early age drug/alcohol use. The goal is to delay or prevent drug use, which significantly reduces the risk of substance dependence.

Remind your teen that while it may seem like “everyone is doing it” now, they can’t see how these choices will impact their peers’ lives in 10 or 20 years. Encourage them to think beyond the present moment and consider their future well-being.

Emphasize Health and Consequences

Reinforce that while their curiosity is normal, trying drugs or alcohol at this age is unhealthy and can have serious consequences. These include obvious health risks, legal troubles, and whatever parental consequences you’ve established.

Seek Support

Consider talking to professionals, such as the Family Peer Coaches at Rise Recovery, about effective consequences and strategies. They can provide valuable insights and help you navigate this challenging situation. They can also introduce you to other parents on this journey.

Remember, this moment, while difficult, is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your teen and provide them with valuable life lessons. By approaching this situation with empathy, education, and clear communication, you can help guide your teen through this challenging period and equip them with the knowledge they need to make healthier choices. Your teen may act like they are dismissing your feedback, but you are planting seeds and countering another message that drugs and alcohol are the answer for fun, a successful social life and coping with stress. Parenting a teenager isn’t easy, especially when drugs enter the picture. But with patience, understanding, and consistent messaging, you can help your teen navigate these turbulent years and make informed decisions about their health and future.

If you are needing support, advise, or help for your teen struggling with substance use, connect with us at Rise Recovery. We have peer support specialist ready to help walk with them and with you~